I'm leaving this livejournal.

People are stupid. Most of everyone forever probably knew this already. But they really are. I'm not gonna make excuses for myself, or do anything to get anyone back -- I don't want them back. I'm allowed to have an opinion, and I'm allowed to express it however I damn well please. Wherever I damn well please. And I'm not sorry for it, either -- I'm not sorry if I offend you or if I make you mad. I'm not sorry for any of that.

Anyway. Today was mostly LOLDRAMA and full of delicious bagel. I forgot how much I liked peanut butter until I started eating it on my bagels. I also forgot how much I like snuggling. Not really XD I love snuggling unabashedly. I love my friends, too. They're fucking great and have been awesome about like... everything. They agree with me, and it's nice.

I'm actually feeling pretty awesome in general. I'm a senior. And I only have a few weeks of school left... and that's such a good feeling to have.

Handwrite the following and then upload!
1. Your name/username.
2. Left-handed or right-handed?
3. Favourite letters to write?
4. Least favourite letters to write?
5. Write "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog".
6. Tag 5 people.
( cut so i don't kill your fpage )

Okay. So. Rolling Stone put out a list of the top 100 singers of all time.

( their list )

Okay. So I have a few problems with this.

1. FREDDIE IS AT EIGHTEEN. THIS BOTHERS ME. A LOT. Freddie Mercury should be at the VERY LEAST above Bob Dylan. I love Bob Dylan. But when you consider the technical skill Mercury had, the fact that he had a four-octave range, and managed to keep both of these things until very close to his death whilst having vocal nodes and no formal training, he should be at the very least in the top ten. AT THE LEAST.

2. WHY THE FUCK IS MARY J. BLIGE ON THIS LIST

3. Where is Ella? Where is Ella Fitzgerald on this list? She had a fucking PHENOMINAL voice. Same goes for Edith Piaf, Billy Joel, Eric Clapton, and Billy Corgan. Corgan's more my pick than the other ones, but for serious, guys? WHERE IS SINATRA?

4. I have issues with the placement of Thom Yorke, Bob Dylan, Roy Orbison, David Bowie, Bruce Springsteen, Jeff Buckley, Lou Reed, Axl Rose, Tom Waits, Morrissey, Stevie Nicks, and Karen Carpenter. Aside from Dylan, ALL of those singers should be moved up from the positions they're in now.

5. NO SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK IS MARY J. BLIGE ON THIS LIST, WTFFF

6. Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Kurt Cobain, and Bjork, imho, should be moved to the bottom of the list, if not taken off. Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston should be taken off... the rest, I suppose, can be left on, though Kurt's singing ability was not the greatest.

I dunno, guys. What do you think? I think this list is a little cracked out, tbh.

I've been neglecting my LJ hella bad. XD

I'm whore #1 in Les Mis! This is a good thing. :D I'm happy beyond belief that I got the part, really. I needed it. If I hadn't gotten it, I'd have been pretty damn upset. Mostly because Berger all but promised the part to me. And I pretty much expected him to go back on his promise. And even though I'd have stayed in the show, I'd have been bitter about it. REALLY bitter.

The singing rehearsals will get better, I know they will. The number of talented singers in the cast is bigger than I thought it was, and it makes me happy that there are certain parts filled already. Berger still hasn't put up the rehearsal schedule, though, and that makes me want to cut a bitch.

I have no more college apps due until Feb. 1! this is exciting. My list has changed A LOT. I'm applying to:

• St. John's University


• Parsons, The New School For Design


• Pratt Institute


• State University of New York at Purchase College (Art & Design Conservatory)


• State University of New York at Geneseo (I'd likely be going for liberal arts/English if I went here)


• School of Visual Arts (applied)

School of Visual Arts and St. John's both accepted my portfolio. I'm pretty happy with my applications list. I know I probably won't get into some of them (namely Pratt, though I hope I can get into Purchase, even though the photography professor who reviewed my portfolio was a dick and made several people, not just me, cry), but I'm okay with that. I'd really like to go to St. John's, tbh. They have really good study abroad programs and really good financial aid. Even though I know I'll be in debt until I'm forty, at least.

Anyway, I'm sleepy. So I'm going to go to bed now and hope that I wake up before two in the afternoon tomorrow. Because I need to stop sleeping so late. XD

So I didn't get a callback. And I'm feeling very self righteous because I know I can sing far better than a good number of people on the list. At least four. I'm really happy that Ari got a callback, because she really, really deserves Mme Thenardier. But I'm angry. Because I sang that song better than I have ever sung anything. Especially in an audition. And yet, hm.

Anyway. I'll be more bitter about this when I'm not in a diner in Roscoe.

1. Les Mis auditions are on Saturday! AHHH! I'm very excited and nervous and I know I won't get the part I want, but I want it, so I'm going to try anyway. I want to be Fantine. I can sing the part really well, not gonna lie, but Dugan barely knows me. Anyway. The informational meeting is today and I'm hoping they're making the audition song something hella low. :D

2. I really like Jeff Buckley. I'm listening to Grace, the album that apparently ninety percent of the United States lost their virginity to. XD It's gorgeous and the title track is about the prettiest thing I've ever heard. I love me some harmony and wailing.

3. MY NEW DEFAULT ICON IS SO CUTE.

4. I've started to read the fanfiction I've been ignoring for the past few months, and I've been wearing a lot more flannel. It's lovely.

5. I neglected to tell my F-list that the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan accepted my portfolio! This basically means that as soon as I apply, I'm pretty much in. Which is just about the best thing I could have hoped for. Let's hope they give shitloads of financial aid. I've decided that January first at two AM I'm sending in my FAFSA (Federal Student Aid, for those of you that don't know) so I can get as much financial aid from the government as possible. It's really exciting. Karen got full tuition to Pitt and is already accepted to grad school. Which is really exciting, considering that means that, you know, people in our class are going to go to college. It's a weird thought, even though I've been waiting to go to college since I was about thirteen years old.

6. It looks as though Saxby Chambliss, the republican senator from Atlanta, stole a bunch of votes. Enough to make him win over the democratic candidate, Jim Martin. Do you know what this means? This isn't exciting for anyone but me, but it means Georgia might flip over to be a blue state. WOOOO!

I think I've stretched your fpages enough. If you don't know that I love you, then I'm telling you now.

9:55 PM
OMG OMG OMG OMG HE ONLY NEEDS WASHINGTON, CALIFORNIA, OREGON, AND HAWAII TO WIN. OMG OMG OMG. JFDL;SFJDSJFSL;FDSJSL;. SO EXCITED. HOPE TO GOD DOLLINGER WINS K. :D

11:34 PM
WE WON SO HARD.
ASHFLHSDKFHS;DGHLSD;;DFJG;JFGJLSGHKDSFSDHFSDF;DSHKFHKSDG;LDS.

I have writer's block like nobody's business, and nobody probably even reads my LJ anymore, but I need to write like nothing else. I reeeeeeeally need to. Thusly,

FIC MEME FOR EVERYONE FOREVER
It doesn't matter if you're on my flist or if you found me through google blogsearch or LJ interests or fucking ANYTHING, but

1) Comment with a pairing and fandom (I will do any fandom, that's how desperate I am) and one thing you absolutely cannot live without oh my god you will go into cardiac arrest if I don't include this in your fic
2) I will write you a shortish fic (or long, depending) based on your choices.

PLEASE GOD WILL YOU GUYS DO THIS FOR ME, I NEED TO START WRITING SOMETHING SO I CAN WRITE THE FOUR THINGS I'VE BEEN WORKING ON. :/

D:

ETA: This isn't directed at anyone who reads my LJ.

I just want to tell almost everyone I'm friends with:

I'm not stupid. Stop treating me like I am, or I'm not going to talk to you about fucking anything anymore. I joke around to make people laugh, not because I'm stupid, and you'd know that if you had an ounce of humor in you that didn't rely on laughing at other peoples' hardship. So fuck off, yeah? I am perceptive enough to realise that you think I'm stupid.

To one of you in particular, you're not better than I am. You've done worse shit than I have, and at this point, that's saying something, so fuck you for being such a hypocrite. You've done the same thing twice, so suck it if you think you're somehow better than me. Just because it happened two years ago doesn't mean you have any fucking right to tell me that I'm not good enough to be someone's friend because of it, or imply at, or TALK TO ME ABOUT IT AT ALL.

It's not okay for you to make me feel stupid, because I'm not, and if you don't let me get things out in my own time, then you're not getting the full story anyway. Deny everything I say if you want to, but you'll always be wrong and if I have to, I'll beat you over the head with this: YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE. And if you don't understand that, I hope to god that someone you love realises it and calls you out on it so maybe you'll have the fucking sense to change.

Yes, I did something wrong. Yes, I betrayed a friend. Yes, I did something fucking awful, and I know that, and I feel fucking terrible about it, but you're the biggest fucking hypocrite I've ever met. "Put your skirt down" when yours flies up because you've decided to skip in it, in public, no less. Putting me down every chance you get and acting like I'm creepy or weird in a bad way for doing certain things, when you'd have no problem with it if it were someone else. Dressing like a slut and giving me dirty looks when I wear anything that makes me look even moderately attractive. And let me make it clear, it will NEVER be your decision to make that I make bad choices; you make bad choices too and you've alienated two of your best friends because you can't stop being a fucking hypocrite.

So you know what? Fuck you. You can act like I'm stupid all you want; you're a shitty friend and a shitty person and I don't know why anyone would want to be friends with you in the first place. You're a stuck up bitch, and at this point, I can't wait until you go to college and fuck up everything by letting your boyfriend follow you there and I will never have to see you again. I hope someone you're friends with is as stuck up and mean and horrible to you as you have been to me.

I'm going to New York in less than an hour, so of course I have to be the quintessential emo kid and post in my LJ about it. I'm really excited. It tends to be a problem for me that I enjoy cartrips a lot. And I'm going to be spending approximately eight hours in a car. Which is good times for me.

I'm seeing Speed The Plow, which should be excellent (Raúl Esparza!) and possibly another show. The kicker, though, is that I get to run around unsupervised and buy things. Like clothes, and shoes, and dhilsfhsd;f I'm excited.

We're staying in someone's apartment near Central Park west, I think. I dunno exactly where. I just know I can't wait to get there and be there and dji;fjsd;fj SOMEONE TELL ME TO STOP FREAKING OUT.

I'm not even packed yet, and will have approximately fifteen minutes to pack the rest of my shit. But I don't care! I'm really excited anyway! :D

I'll probably update with a picspam when I get back Monday. :D BAI!

The past few weeks have been rather uneventful. I got my senior pictures retaken and know which one I'm going to pick. I've started writing a ridiculous fic in a ridiculous verse, that I'm completely in love with so far and can't wait to finish. I dyed my hair a darker brown colour. I found out that I can't be in stage crew for Noises Off even though I asked a good month and a half ago. Someone hates my guts now, and I know who...

Anyway. I have coloured bubbles, and if you want to download some Counting Crows covers, they're here.

I don't really know what to write about. I suppose I should talk about the fact that I have no fucking idea about Paradise Lost. At all. Ever.

Tonight is really not a good night, because I'm only gonna emo it up here. I feel like crap and I don't know why, really.

I have two major scratches on my back from climbing over a fence at Village Gate. I was stealing a foot-high plastic bunny and foot-high plastic deer. The guy who owned them came out after I started walking around to the other side. He was being creepy with Maria and Sam, the two girls whose pictures I was taking.

I want to get a snug on my right ear, but I have zero money. This is a problem. I also need some new clothes, tbh, because a lot of mine don't fit or are generally awful. I did just get a new grandma sweater, though. It's pretty sexy.

Kindly take notice of this fucking amazing icon.

5:40:16 PM Vasia: Keavy, why does life suck sometimes? v_v
5:40:43 PM Keavy: because without the lows, the highs wouldn't be as high and life wouldn't be as beautiful.
5:41:25 PM Keavy: the beauty of grace is that it isn't equally spread over every moment. and that it makes certain things more special.
5:41:36 PM Keavy: ...sorry
5:41:39 PM Vasia: ...
5:41:47 PM Keavy: went ~philosophical on you there

1) Two videos of me singing, one of the Senior homecoming dance. Dork dork dork dork

2) I originally was looking for this album for coffins, and only could find about six songs off of it. Hang On Little Tomato, by Pink Martini. The zip contains six songs off of the album she wanted, and one entitled "Je Ne Veux Pas Travailler" (I do Not Want To Work), which I learned to sing for French class in seventh grade. Wooo. :* via Sendspace.

3) I may be going to a Mighty Mighty Bosstones show in Buffalo soon! Look at Keavy, gettin' her ska on! Woooo! I'm very excited about it. The show I'd be going to is October 11th. Ahfdlshgkldsg. I can't wait.

I just woke up after being asleep for maybe, oh, an hour and a half. Unfortunately instead of staying up all night Friday, I'm having the distinct trend of falling asleep around one and waking up at 2, 3, or 4, to find that whoever I'm talking to (Melia) has fallen asleep not half an hour earlier.

I need to find a way to sleep later on Fridays so that this doesn't happen, or to drink hella caffeine without getting a headache. Because I am so sick of my Fridays starting out really epic but tailing off because I can't keep my fucking eyes open. XD

PICK WHICH ONE PLEASE. I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE I LIKE. I FEEL LIKE I LOOK GREASY XD

( Senior pictures )

please tell me what you think, guys, i dunno which of those five i like, or if i even like them. colleen's awesome, i'm just terribly unphotogenic. XD

3:36:42 PM somnallocution: god, our economy
3:36:46 PM coffins: god
3:36:51 PM coffins: with your pricey lemons

This week was hellish in some ways and excellent in others. I get to use a Canon Digital Rebel XTi in photo class, which has been amazing. Portfolio Prep is awesome and I feel great taking art classes, because I get to get up and move around and not be stuck in a chair all day. AP Lit is excellent. AP French is excellent. Film is excellent. Even math is fun.

My issue is more how out-of-place I feel. I feel like the freshmen know who Beth is, but they wouldn't look at me twice because I'm sort of quiet. I dunno. I'm very out-of place this year, probably with good reason. Anyway.

Too lazy to write anymore.

On a much happier note than my post last night, I have two children on facebook.

( Millie )( Saul )

I just wanted to show them off. :X They belong to me and coffins, and they're the cutest things on legs.

It's probably bad that "I Miss You" by Blink-182 can still make me cry. Though, lately, almost anything can make me cry. At least, it could at the beginning of the week. Now I just mostly feel empty. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay home and sleep. I don't really want to feel anything at all. It's stupid and maybe it's because school's starting and I'm scared about college apps and stuff, and after all the shit that's happened this summer, I'm well aware I've made about twelve million mistakes, but I'm not sure what it is exactly. It feels like being gutted with a knife when I think about everything I've done. And I curl up inside my unhappiness and feel like dying. I don't want to see anyone here, I don't want to talk to anyone here. I just want to move away and start over or go home to Atlanta.

Too much Radiohead has me fucked in the head. I'm going to sleep before I get any more depressed.